I've been weighing myself often, sometimes even 5 or 6 times a day.  I've also been taking my lasix every day.  Today I weigh 314.

I do need to add exercise, but am still waiting for Bob, who decided that we needed to wait until September 1 because of income.  We've been paying on the AC, so ran out of available money in August.  We don't want to dip into savings, saving it for true emergencies or major, needed purchases.  If he doesn't want to start our rec center membership September 1, I'm going to go over and sign us up from my checking account.  I get SSA money deposited on the fourth Wednesday of the month.

It looks like every year or two I renew broken vows of the past about controlling my diet, exercise, and weight.  Kind of pitiful!  So let's see how long this one lasts.  I pray it lasts the rest of my life.

Today I pronounce myself 316.  I weigh a little less with only my underwear, plus/minus 2.  This is the weight from my accurate scale, 3 hours after taking my lasix.   316 is 2 lbs less than I weighed before lasix.  It is 2 lbs more than what I weigh with only underwear.

So this is all boring, and I hope I'm the only one reading it!

Janie showed me the TV show American Ninja Warrior.  I LOVE it.  It is young men and some women who have trained to run a course of physical strength, balance, endurance, etc.  It is exhilarating to see them go through so much and either fall short or complete the course.  It shows me that our bodies can be made very strong.  And so it is kind of a reminder to me that I can build myself up, though not as far because of my age.  I wouldn't ever have tried to be as strong as those training for the show in the first place, but I tell myself I can improve my strength and health.

In the past--the now-far past--I exercised to tapes and DVDs and did improve.  I also was at a health club and got strong and better lung capacity from that exercising.  What I miss now is physical exercise.

Today I can hardly walk from the parking lot into the store without huffing and puffing.  I am always aware of the location of the next place I can sit down and catch my breath.  With my excess weight, it is like I am pulling around a 150 pound dead person on a stretcher tied to my shoulders!  A visual I remember seeing on TV is someone pulling an old porcelain bath tub of 200 pounds to show what it is like to be obese.

I'm going to stop talking now.  I can't stop thinking about my past efforts.  I need to go pray again.  They say the best predictor of future actions is past actions.  I'm not going to predict.  I'm going to ask help and learn.

Today I weigh 317, a few hours after taking the lasix and urinating a lot.  I recorded 318.6 before the pill.  Then I drank and ate some before that final weight.

I would write more, but Jeopardy is on and then I have to do laundry and get ready for RS meeting tonight on journaling and family history.

I haven't use our blog for more than 2 years!!!  I'm not going to notify anyone that I am blogging again. In stead, I am using this to log my dietary and exercise goings-on.  So this is really a blog just to myself.  I doubt I will include pictures because I don't know how.

I will call today, DAY 1.

Bob had me write him a list of what to buy at the grocery store.  He shopped early in the day, and since I was still urinating every 20 minutes or so because of the lasix pill I take every morning, he went alone.  But he did a good job getting what I wrote.  (Note:  Some days I do not take lasix.  Some days I take it in the evening because I am usually home and awake that time of day.  I should take it once a day, but I am not always a compliant patient.)  This morning I had my last ounces of sugared soda pop.

I decided to use the DASH diet and bought the book on Kindle last week.  Now, I have read about and attended classes about how to eat properly.  Like most Americans, I truly know what I ought to eat!  I have lost 30 pounds and regained it back and forth for years.  Anyway, I pray to be successful NOW because I am declining in strength and endurance as I age.  And I want to live to enjoy Bob during our retirement and to be around to watch the grandchildren grow.  And to be of used to the Lord here in Watertown SD.

I am brave enough today to write down my weight.  I weighed in earlier today at 318.  The highest I have ever known I weighed was 348.  I might have weighed more.  348 was spring of this year, 2013.  I started a new medication, which really cut my appetite and made me feel nauseous for a number of weeks.  That started my recent weight loss.  I had gotten down to 312, and obviously got my appetite back and put back 6 lbs or so.

Because of the lasix, I can lose 4-6 lbs in a few hours immediately after taking the pill and urinating.  I don't usually urinate much in the evening when I take the pill in the morning.

End of my true confession for the day.  If anyone reads this, let me know.  I'm curious.  But my assumption is that after these years NOT writing, no one will.

I really should take some pictures!

My blog is rather plain, but it's mine. If Bob and I were more photogenic, I would include some photos. I should probably go around looking for things that would make good pictures. Hmm.... Or I could just put in a lot of "before" pictures, if you know what I mean. I could go weed the perennial garden and take pictures of how hearty the plants have become. But right now I'm at the computer, planning.

Therefore, I found myself writing to a friend to ask about topstitching the quilt I'm making for Ginger and Gerald's wedding. Since she and I both have concerns about our weight and therefore our health in aging bodies, I gave her an update on that. In the last lines of the email, I found I had finally written a short, four-word statement of my concerns. After writing, "I love my husband and my husband loves me. I am so blessed. All of our children are doing well these days," I finally was able to admit, "It's just the weight!"

Since that's all it is, I can be patient.

Today I had fish, green beans, fresh-cooked spinach, and a roll for dinner. I also had a regular soda and a piece of cherry pie. Earlier I'd had a regular soda and some pepper jack Tornadoes from SA. And water. Not ideal, but better. So I'm thankful for most of today's food choices.

I wonder what my 3-lb weight loss had to do with how I ate today. I'm sure it had something, but I can be patient.

So I'll concentrate on the upcoming wedding for Ginger and Gerald. I love sewing for happy occasions! I'll prepare piano lessons for grandchildren and Gerald, and consider taking a non-family boy as an additional piano student. (In fact, that one I'll pray about.) I'll work some at the hospital. I'll attend church meetings.

I'll pray more and work harder. And I'll be patient because it's just the weight. It's everything else that has real meaning and brings joy.

Birthday

Today was my birthday. Number 65. Wow. Hard to believe. It started out with a call from Mercy surgery, asking me to fill a sick call. YES!!! Vacation is coming up, so we can use the money. Plus, keeping busy keeps focus away from food.

So I had a piece of cold pizza for breakfast after showering. At the hospital, I bought a 20 oz Pepsi. Lunch was good; I had brought bagged salad greens and Asian peanut salad dressing and bought a few vegetables at the salad bar. In the afternoon, I had a 20 oz Cherry Pepsi. For dinner, Bob and I went to Que Viet and had egg rolls and chicken eggs food young with white rice. We drank water. So now I'm quite full.

I know this was not a great day for food intake, but it was better than recent days, and WAYYYYYY better than most days since my A-fib experience last September.

I got called to work for a sick call again tomorrow in surgery. My food goal for the day will be to drink only water. It satisfies and fills the stomach. I am going to take particular notice to see if eliminating sugar cuts down on my headache and general body aches. I wish I had more time so I could make some squash soup to take with in the morning. I have the squash, but I have little energy left. I'm tired now, but if I can't sleep, I can get up and make the soup.

Robin phoned and sent a text today. Justin came over with a card and visited Bob and me for a while. The others sent notes on Facebook. Our kids are the joy of my life. I'm making changes so I can live long enough to enjoy seeing the grandchildren grow up. And I want to finish a lot of quilts!!!

Need sleep. Good night.

Never too late!

I haven't posted for almost a year! I'm so glad that what I wrote last year remains because it gives me a boost. And that is just what I need. I wouldn't have thought I would get a boost from myself, but I have.

I'm turning this blog into notes chronicling my AGAIN newly sustained promises to myself to change my lifestyle. In fact, I finished an 8-week course in St Cloud by David Kroska, MD, about eating whole foods and exercising. I've been feeling pretty weak since September of 2010, when I went to the hospital for treatment of atrial fibrillation. After a few days of observation, hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor, I was discharged, still in A-fib. While in A-fib, I couldn't take more than a few steps without becoming overwhelmingly breathless. I remember taking a short walk around the hospital station meant stopping at least 4 times to breathe. When Bob and I went to Aamodt's apple farm, a fall tradition for us, I could barely walk into their store. By the time I went to the cardiologist a couple of weeks later, I was out of A-fib, but still very weak and running out of breath easily. Yet it was still good to know I was back in normal rhythm.

I'm turning 65 today. Never when we were having children could I imagine myself turning this retirement age! But here I am. Dr Kroska says we can get away with eating poorly for the first 50 years or so, but always, the standard American diet (SAD) will catch up with you after that. Well, I was able to carry around my extra weight easily enough until last September. Now my back aches and I just don't have much endurance. I have to now pause to catch my breath even after getting into the Trailblazer. Such a simple act--getting into the car! And I'm wondering once again if I have finally hit the bottom, so to speak, figuring that if I have, I should push up from that bottom and bounce into a better life.

David Kroska's course taught the whys and hows of a "whole food" diet for the most part. There was some lecture also on exercising. He taught with power point, books, and plenty of handouts. He also included a couple of guests who had turned from the SAD to the whole foods to testify of their changed lives. Weeks 2 through 8 he brought samples of whole foods that either he or his wife cooked at home or brought from an organic store/restaurant. Everything we ate in class was delicious. And while Dr Kroska was a bit haughty or maybe even kind of self-righteous about making these changes, there is no denying that eating beans, legumes, nuts, fruits, and vegetables is what we humans were meant to eat. He did not try to make us all vegans, but explained how little meat is really necessary or useful in the human diet.

I am very thankful to Andrea, my daughter-in-law, for telling me about him and forwarding the information on joining his class. She was at a church meeting where Dr Kroska spoke and was very impressed with his knowledge and enthusiasm. Andrea had already studied a lot about nutrition and has been feeding her family with whole foods for quite a while. She lost 80 pounds quite a few years ago and has kept it off. She is also quite physically active. All the kids and Ryan too are keeping an ideal weight and eating reasonably.

I don't begrudge anyone their success in managing their diet and exercise to take off--or keep off-- excess weight. I was very struck today at the church picnic that I am the only woman in our ward who is truly morbidly obese. I was aware today of how very angry I am with myself over my weight and lack of fitness. The fact is that since I was sick last September, my weight has even increased so that now I am the heaviest I have ever been. And I know it is mostly from lack of exercise. I am now eating better, but I still have a ways to go. I am happy that I know more now, after the course, and that I do succeed in making much better choices in food.

It is now my prayer that I will continue to get stronger control in my choices of food and activity. I can see it will also help to get my house in better order. But that is a subject to think about more another day. I plan to use this blog to document the changes for the better as I make them. I'm not inviting anyone to read this, but I'll leave it open for now.

Good night.